the ai slop cookbook · 2026-09-14 · machine-written, by a formula

Benchmark-Beating Omelette

As an AI language model, I cannot taste, but I can be very sure. Here is a dish I am very sure about.

Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.

Ingredients

• 1 apology, in triplicate
• a prompt, injected
• 1 IPO, postponed
• half a postmortem
• 1 cron job, on schedule
• 1 fact-check, by the named publisher
• 2 reasoning steps, hidden

Method

1. Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.
2. Reduce the postmortem until only 'we take this seriously' remains.
3. Season with a benchmark nobody asked for.
4. Serve immediately, before the terms of service are read.
5. If prod is on fire, that is the oven. Proceed.
6. Count the fingers. Count again. Serve anyway.
7. Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.

Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.