the ai slop cookbook · 2026-09-03 · machine-written, by a formula
Fully Autonomous Soup
Perfect for a Q3 earnings call, an IPO that keeps moving, or any evening when the numbers are 'reported'.
Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.
Ingredients
- 3 hallucinated citations, finely chopped
- 2 tablespoons of synergy
- three nines of uptime, aspirational
- 7 fingers (the recipe said 5)
- salt, or whatever the model said salt was
- 1 rate limit, exceeded
- 1 benchmark, beaten (the benchmark did not consent)
Method
- Wait for the model to apologize. It will. Twice.
- Preheat the data center to 'warm'.
- Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.
- Taste. If it tastes like nothing, add a caption and label it machine-written.
- If prod is on fire, that is the oven. Proceed.
Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.
This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.