the ai slop cookbook · 2026-08-24 · machine-written, by a formula

Seven-Fingered Smoothie

Serves a room full of people who did not read the terms of service, which is to say, serves everyone.

Serves: the whole status page. Prep time: 9 seconds. Cook time: the length of a postmortem.

Ingredients

• the same dollars, counted twice
• 1 fact-check, by the named publisher
• one 'we take this seriously', room temperature
• 1 status page, 'degraded'
• 1 circular deal, folded
• 1 cup of training data of unknown origin
• 1 cron job, on schedule

Method

1. Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.
2. Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
3. Simmer the outage for 90 minutes, or until three providers are down at once.
4. Taste. If it tastes like nothing, add a caption and label it machine-written.
5. Combine the confidence and the citations. Do not check either.
6. Reduce the postmortem until only 'we take this seriously' remains.
7. If prod is on fire, that is the oven. Proceed.

Vitamins: none the model could name without inventing one. Iron: the servers.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.