the ai slop cookbook · 2026-08-15 · machine-written, by a formula

Seven-Fingered Ramen

Serves a room full of people who did not read the terms of service, which is to say, serves everyone.

Serves: the whole status page. Prep time: 9 seconds. Cook time: the length of a postmortem.

Ingredients

• $1.2 trillion of valuation, to taste
• 4 GPUs, borrowed from a deal that was announced twice
• salt, or whatever the model said salt was
• 1 cup of training data of unknown origin
• the same dollars, counted twice
• 1 rate limit, exceeded

Method

1. Combine the confidence and the citations. Do not check either.
2. Count the fingers. Count again. Serve anyway.
3. Simmer the outage for 90 minutes, or until three providers are down at once.
4. Fold the deal into itself until it looks like revenue.
5. Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.
6. Rename the model. Same fingers.
7. Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.

Vitamins: none the model could name without inventing one. Iron: the servers.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.