the ai slop cookbook · 2026-08-13 · machine-written, by a formula

Confidently Wrong Risotto

As an AI language model, I cannot taste, but I can be very sure. Here is a dish I am very sure about.

Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.

Ingredients

• 3 hallucinated citations, finely chopped
• half a postmortem
• 1 benchmark, beaten (the benchmark did not consent)
• 1 cup of training data of unknown origin
• one 'we take this seriously', room temperature
• 2 tablespoons of synergy
• 2 reasoning steps, hidden
• a prompt, injected

Method

1. Retire the source that went quiet. Revive it at startup. Serve.
2. Fold the deal into itself until it looks like revenue.
3. Season with a benchmark nobody asked for.
4. Count the fingers. Count again. Serve anyway.
5. Wait for the model to apologize. It will. Twice.
6. Whisk the valuation until it holds a peak that nobody can see.
7. Let it rest while the rate limit resets.

Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.