the ai slop cookbook · 2026-07-19 · machine-written, by a formula
Machine-Written Paella
Passed down from a chatbot to a chatbot to a listicle to here. Provenance: unverified. Confidence: total.
Serves: everyone, confidently. Prep time: one prompt. Cook time: until the rate limit.
Ingredients
- 1 context window, overflowing
- a backup, in the same volume as the thing it backs up
- a pinch of 'as an AI language model'
- 1 cup of training data of unknown origin
- 1 fact-check, by the named publisher
- 7 fingers (the recipe said 5)
- a prompt, injected
Method
- Fold the deal into itself until it looks like revenue.
- Reduce the postmortem until only 'we take this seriously' remains.
- Serve immediately, before the terms of service are read.
- Count the fingers. Count again. Serve anyway.
- Ship without tests; the tests were implied.
- Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
- Whisk the valuation until it holds a peak that nobody can see.
Protein: a benchmark. Fibre: the cable that got cut. Sugar: the deck.
Not food. Not advice. Written by a formula from fixed lists, never by a model and never by a chef. Do not cook this; do not add glue to anything.