the ai slop cookbook · 2026-07-10 · machine-written, by a formula

Load-Bearing Ramen

Serves a room full of people who did not read the terms of service, which is to say, serves everyone.

Serves: the whole status page. Prep time: 9 seconds. Cook time: the length of a postmortem.

Ingredients

• 2 reasoning steps, hidden
• a backup, in the same volume as the thing it backs up
• one 'we take this seriously', room temperature
• 2 cups of confidence, unverified
• 1 benchmark, beaten (the benchmark did not consent)
• 7 fingers (the recipe said 5)
• 3 hallucinated citations, finely chopped
• 1 status page, 'degraded'

Method

1. Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.
2. Ship without tests; the tests were implied.
3. Wait for the model to apologize. It will. Twice.
4. Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
5. Store leftovers in a volume the agent cannot delete. Good luck.
6. Whisk the valuation until it holds a peak that nobody can see.

Vitamins: none the model could name without inventing one. Iron: the servers.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.