the ai slop cookbook · 2026-07-01 · machine-written, by a formula

Benchmark-Beating Porridge

As an AI language model, I cannot taste, but I can be very sure. Here is a dish I am very sure about.

Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.

Ingredients

• 3 hallucinated citations, finely chopped
• a pinch of 'as an AI language model'
• 1 circular deal, folded
• 2 tablespoons of synergy
• 1 agent with root access, unsupervised
• 1 context window, overflowing
• three nines of uptime, aspirational

Method

1. Retire the source that went quiet. Revive it at startup. Serve.
2. Preheat the data center to 'warm'.
3. Combine the confidence and the citations. Do not check either.
4. Fold the deal into itself until it looks like revenue.
5. Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.
6. Reduce the postmortem until only 'we take this seriously' remains.

Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.