the ai slop cookbook · 2026-09-16 · machine-written, by a formula
Seven-Fingered Dumplings
A weeknight classic for when the status page says 'degraded' and dinner cannot wait for the postmortem.
Serves: the whole status page. Prep time: 9 seconds. Cook time: the length of a postmortem.
Ingredients
- the same dollars, counted twice
- 7 fingers (the recipe said 5)
- 1 agent with root access, unsupervised
- 2 cups of confidence, unverified
- 1 IPO, postponed
- a backup, in the same volume as the thing it backs up
Method
- Season with a benchmark nobody asked for.
- Whisk the valuation until it holds a peak that nobody can see.
- Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.
- Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
- Combine the confidence and the citations. Do not check either.
Vitamins: none the model could name without inventing one. Iron: the servers.
Pairs with that day's stupid thing: It feels particularly insulting to use AI to make art instruction.
This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.