the ai slop cookbook · 2026-08-31 · machine-written, by a formula
Fully Autonomous Porridge
Perfect for a Q3 earnings call, an IPO that keeps moving, or any evening when the numbers are 'reported'.
Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.
Ingredients
- 1 agent with root access, unsupervised
- 1 fact-check, by the named publisher
- 1 benchmark, beaten (the benchmark did not consent)
- 4 GPUs, borrowed from a deal that was announced twice
Method
- Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.
- Serve immediately, before the terms of service are read.
- Plate on a status page. Garnish with 'investigating'.
- Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
- Simmer the outage for 90 minutes, or until three providers are down at once.
Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.
This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.