the ai slop cookbook · 2026-08-17 · machine-written, by a formula

Benchmark-Beating Soup

Perfect for a Q3 earnings call, an IPO that keeps moving, or any evening when the numbers are 'reported'.

Serves: 4, or 7 if you count the way the model counts. Prep time: a context window. Cook time: 'investigating'.

Ingredients

• a handful of tokens (the paid kind)
• 7 fingers (the recipe said 5)
• 1 circular deal, folded
• half a postmortem

Method

1. Let the agent stir. Leave the room. This is the mistake.
2. Announce the dish at $10 billion. Deliver it 'reported'.
3. Combine the confidence and the citations. Do not check either.
4. Ship without tests; the tests were implied.
5. Retire the source that went quiet. Revive it at startup. Serve.
6. Count the fingers. Count again. Serve anyway.

Calories: hallucinated. Sodium: sourced. Fingers: seven.

This is a joke about AI-generated recipes, made by lists and a date. Nothing here is edible, tested, or true. Especially the fingers.